5 Reasons Why Science Says You Should Procrastinate

Hello, valued readers. Today, while regular author Jill is slaving away at homework or some other inevitable spawn of duty from hell, guest blogger LK will be stepping in.

In what may seem like a desperate marketing scheme gone horribly wrong, Procrastination Right Now will today attempt to explain to you why procrastinating is scientifically (and sometimes pseudoscientifically) good for you.

Expands Your Social Life

The utmost fundamental approach to killing away hours and piling the load of quadratic equations to be solved – Facebook is often the turn-to nirvana for chronic procrastinators. Whether you flirt with your better half wall-to-wall for all to see, stalk random hot people your friends, or ‘Like’ every single breathing thing on this planet, it is widely accepted that Facebook is the root of all evil; at least where your parents’ hypertension issues are concerned.

Nevertheless, the next time you are posed with the nagging blare of getting your homework done, you may (try to) use the justification that Facebook is, as its PR team would say, “a way to keep in touch with friends.” However, one should not act like such a wisepants if you are still being sheltered, fed, and sponsored by your parents. Reader discretion is advised.

Boosts Your Metabolism

Arguably, this does not relate to procrastination in general. There is no way in any place you can imagine where sitting on a couch munching away at fried goodness-knows-whats will increase your metabolism and health. However, if you happen to be an avid gamer, then you’re in luck.

Studies conducted by the University of Miami show promising results where a group of students were forced to play Tekken 3 – all in the name of science. Results showed that their heart rate expectedly increased; so while not as effective as hitting the gym, you could still argue that you are doing some light “exercise.”

Like Drugs, Without the Rehab

For everyone too chicken wise to dabble in the underbelly of society – namely the consumption of drugs, alcohol and cigarettes – procrastination can be a milder substitute for any pleasure junkies out there.

Given you procrastinate by blarring loud music and dancing off rhythm to the oldschool moves of Elvis Presley or crotch-grabbing sexytime a la Michael Jackson, studies by the University of Manchester say that music above 90 decibels (about as loud as a chainsaw) stimulates your inner ear and makes the brain flush a cocktail of ‘happy’ hormones down your circulatory system. Ecstatic!

Gets Things Done

Possibly ironic or even unintended, sometimes procrastination can be a wonderful thing. Take for example, how one procrastinates to clean one’s room. However, when the time comes to do something far more taxing (like study for a History exam), cleaning your room falls under the category of procrastination.

Makes You Productive

As much as it is far from the initial planned outcome of procrastinating, sometimes acute procrastination leads to being less of a procrastinator. Researchers at the University of Melbourne made a baffling discovery (and possibly soiled their pants in excitement) when they found out office workers who regularly took breaks to check their Facebook page or watch Youtube videos were almost 10% more productive.

One can only expect that all Melbourne’s university professors have suddenly begun updating their facebook statuses; likely with things such as “I’m in the particle physics lab now. Playing with the halogen-vapour lamp. It’s pink. LOL!”